Thursday, July 28, 2011

Metaphorically Speaking

Who says legaleese is stuffy?



And such news of an amicable settlement having made this Court happier than a tick on a fat dog because it is otherwise busier than a one legged cat in a sand box and, quite frankly, would have rather jumped naked off a twelve foot step ladder into a five gallon bucket of porcupines then have presided over a two week trial of the herein dispute, a trial which no doubt would have made the jury more confused than a hungry baby in a topless bar and made the parties and their attorneys madder than mosquitoes in a mannequin factory; it is therefore ordered and adjudged b the court as follows: 1. The jury trial scheduled herein for July 13, 2011 is hereby canceled.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Simon would never argue for that...

The latest comes from one of SLSLOL's favorite rising 2Ls. While summering in NYC, he was working on a motion with terrible facts:

Advising Attorney: "You work with the facts you're given."


Summer Associate: "Well, the facts aren't supportive, but the motion is well formed."


Advising Attorney: "Its like American Idol, when the contestant is horrible and Paula Abdul says 'Well, you look great!'"

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

On Statutory Language

"Lawmakers are bozos...Funny how one comma can equal one day's work"

-Rising 2L Summer Associate, ruminating on a very busy (but not necessarily very productive) day saving the world from injustice.