Suspension of Disbelief

Classroom exchange:


Student, after positing a potential argument: 
I'm not saying [that legal argument] would work.


Prof: 
Well, no lawyers never say it could work...but let's put that aside.

Professional Jealousy

1L outside munger:

I just can't handle all the work. . . I wish I were in B-School!


[...oh, to spend your days "networking" instead of casebriefing...]

Scalia better start uping his game...

According to Slate: "Chief Justice John Roberts is hilarious." 

An excerpt:  The chief spent the better part of the hour poking fun at AT&T's claim that the adjective personal means the same thing as the noun person, such that the statute's treatment of corporations as "persons" means that corporations are also somehow capable of getting "personal." As he explained at argument, that claim makes no sense. "I tried to sit down and come up with other examples where the adjective was very different from the root noun," he observed at the time. "It turns out it is not hard at all. You have craft and crafty. Totally different. Crafty doesn't have much to do with craft. Squirrel, squirrely. Right? I mean, pastor—you have a pastor and pastoral. Same root, totally different."


Today's majority opinion continues this same jolly monologue, musing—with copious citations to Webster's that "[t]he noun crab refers variously to a crustacean and a type of apple, while the related adjective crabbed can refer to handwriting that is 'difficult to read,' " and goes on to observe that "corny can mean 'using familiar and stereotyped formulas believed to appeal to the unsophisticated,' which has little to do with corn, ('the seeds of any of the cereal grasses used for food')."

Black Death and Tunnels of Love

Welcome to the first of what I hope will be many guest bloggers! Today, the Honorable Learned Knee Cap shares a bit of his wisdom and dispels a few or the more significant worries we face at SLS.

With classes for next quarter to be chosen, finals rolling closer and summer job hunts still on-going, I thought it might be nice to eliminate a couple of worries I had heard voiced this week in our class. A few less worries always makes it easier to focus on matters at hand. So let me put your mind at ease in regard to two matters - the danger of bubonic plague from campus squirrels and the need to avoid salamanders when driving down Junipero Serra Blvd.

If you all are like me, you might have found something off-putting about the fearless squirrels all over campus, squirrels that seem to perversely enjoy a good game of chicken with bikers. But aside from a few near-crashes, I hadn't worried too much about the danger from our rodent neighbors until this week when I was told that interaction with them carried the peril of the Black Death (interesting what comes up in Con Law review sessions).

Now, likely nothing inhibits studying like a case of the Bubonic Plaque. So, with finals coming, I was a bit worried about the prospect of living out my childhood games of Ring Around the Rosy. But an in-depth exploration of available literature and consultation with campus authorities has confirmed that though plaque was found in a squirrel in Los Angeles County this summer, likely sparking rumors about our own whiskered co-tenants here at Stanford, no plaque squirrels have ever been detected on our campus, even among those menacing-looking black squirrels.

So next time someone tells you that a die-off of one-quarter to one-third of campus is imminent from a squirrel-initiated outbreak, you tell them that that is only true for campuses in Los Angeles County and southward.

For those of you working down in SoCal this summer, may God have mercy of your souls.

As for the danger of salamanders on Junipero Serra Blvd, I had long heard rumors that the much of campus development west of Lake Lagunita had been determined/restricted by an unseen, but nevertheless precious, amphibian called the California Tiger salamander. That is apparently completely true.

These endangered/vulnerable salamanders were thought to be extinct in this area until a 1994 summer rainstorm prompted hundreds of them to rise Lazarus-like from the squirrel burrows where they hibernate in dry times and head for the mud of Lake Lagunita to lay their eggs. Apparently, this summer resurrection developed into a salamander tragedy as the amphibians attempted to crawl from the foothills beneath the Dish to Lake Lagunita, transecting (often quite unsuccessfully) Junipero Serra Blvd. The massacre only came to an end with a rush of Stanford volunteers who lovingly carried each salamander across the road to safety and to the enjoyable process of combating extinction.

But before you rush to change your summer plans, as I was tempted to do, so you might aid in the salamander crossing, you should rest assured that this brand of civic activism is no longer needed. The great minds of Stanford University, when faced with such a compelling problem, overcame the challenge with what might be known as tunnels of love for the little Tigers. Several tunnels now pass beneath (and salamander-size rises restrict the direct route across) Junipero Serra and if you ever are headed towards the Dish for a run, you might enjoy pausing for a moment to see what has been accomplished to further Homo sapien-Ambystoma californiense understanding.

Nevertheless, if you are coming back from the Dish and you see a salamander on the road, don't be afraid to do your part - at SLS we apparently brake for salamanders. 

So there you have it, two less things to worry about. Now on to finals!

---Hon. Learned Knee Cap

Audition for the Musical Firm of Awesome, Fun & Kickass LLP

Seriously, how many law schools provide this kind of awesomeness!!?!
Come try out!!!!

Kramerisms

On Chickens:


I once worked in a chicken house. Nasty little creatures! They deserve everything they get. . . . I believe in Animal Rights--just not for chickens.

Kramerisms

Amusedly referring to SCOTUS:


"I wouldn't take the job, even if they offered it to me!"

Criminal Civility

Lunchtime speaker:


"After doing criminal law, I did civil practice for a while. The stories aren't very good, but the pay sure is... Of course, there really isn't a lot of civility in civil practice."

Citation Salutation

For those who are not avid Above the Law readers (ok, let's be honest, if you have stumbled upon this little corner of the blogosphere, ATL is probably already part of your daily routine 100 times over)... but, just in case you missed this, it seems worthy of highlight:

Quote of the Day: Judge Posner Benchslaps the Bluebook

By DAVID LAT[N]eedless to say, I have not read the nineteenth edition. I have dipped into it, much as one might dip one’s toes in a pail of freezing water. I am put in mind of Mr. Kurtz’s dying words in Heart of Darkness — ‘The horror! The horror!’ — and am tempted to end there.

— Judge Richard Posner, in a scathing Yale Law Journal review of The Bluebook: A Uniform System of Citation (19th ed.).

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery...

Overheard in the hallways munger:

"Wait, I have to wear a cardigan to bar review tonight; I want to look like Lorenzo."

-Contributed by JM...thanks!

E-I-E-I-O

Student dissecting the Coasean realities of cattle grazing:


"Well, there really isn't any cost effective fence that a cow CAN'T break through...I mean, I grew up on a farm so...yeah. If a cow WANTS to break through a fence, it WILL!"

Stranger than documentary film. . .

Said under breath after british 1L made a comment during a student group meeting:


"I want [British Student] to narrate my life. That would be awesome...
[in voice sounding slightly like a BBC documentary narrator] Now, he's going to the baaathroom." 

Euphoria and intoxication

1.33L walking away after the last final and initial celebrations:


The room is spinning...and I'm not even in a room! Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

Political Realities

Actually overheard in the hallway:

The truth is, I'm not electable. I just have problems with democracy.

If Elvis was a 1L...

He might have written Blue Christmas a little differently:

[imagine your favorite elivs impersonator crooning]


I'll have a tort-free christmas without school
I'll have no reading for crim or for civ pro
Doesn’t matter if contracts, are drafted air tight
Don’t need to worry, if mens rea is right


There are no bluebook citations while skiing
No need to outline while gingerbread eating
And i think, i just might, watch TV every night
Cuz, I’ll have a tort-free christmas


Sonia might still need help with due process
And TSA feels a lot like a tresspass
But, jurisdiction’s a fight, so don’t miss your home flight.
And, we’ll all have a tort free christmas