Great Moments in Legal Writing

SLS LOL Salutes Judge Kent! Republic of Bolivia v. Philip Morris Co., Inc.,  Civil Action No. G-99-110 (March 1, 1999)(Kent, J.).      Plaintiff, the Republic of Bolivia, brings this action to recover from numerous tobacco companies various health care costs it allegedly incurred in treating illnesses its residents suffered as a result of tobacco use.   This action was originally filed in the District Court of Brazoria County, Texas, 239th Judicial District, and removed to this Court on February 19, 1999, by certain Defendants alleging jurisdiction under28 U.S.C. Section 1331 and 28 U.S.C. Section 1332.  For the following reasons, the Court exercises its authority and discretion pursuant to 28 U.S.C. Section 1404(a) tosua sponte transfer this case to the United States District Court for the District of Columbia.      This is one of at least six similar actions brought by foreign governments in various courts throughout the United States.   The governments of Guatemala, Panama, Nicaragua, Thailand, Venezuela, and Bolivia have filed suit in the geographically diverse locales of Washington, D.C., Puerto Rico, Texas, Louisiana, and Florida, in both state and federal courts.   Why none of these countries seems to have a court system their own governments have confidence in is a mystery to this Court.   Moreover, given the tremendous number of United States jurisdictions encompassing fascinating and exotic places, the Court can hardly imagine why the Republic of Bolivia elected to file suit in the veritable hinterlands of Brazoria County, Texas.   The Court seriously doubts whether Brazoria County has ever seen a live Bolivian … even on the Discovery Channel.   Though only here by removal, this humble Court by the sea is certainly flattered by what must be the worldwide renown of rural Texas courts for dispensing justice with unparalleled fairness and alacrity, apparently in common discussion even on the mountain peaks of Bolivia!  Still, the Court would be remiss in accepting an obligation for which it truly does not have the necessary resources.   Only one judge presides in the Galveston Division–which currently has before it over seven hundred cases and annual civil filings exceeding such number–and that judge is presently burdened with a significant personal situation which diminishes its ability to always give the attention it would like to all of its daunting docket obligations, despite genuinely heroic efforts to do so.   And, while Galveston is indeed an international seaport, the capacity of this Court to address the complex and sophisticated issues of international law and foreign relations presented by this case is dwarfed by that of its esteemed colleagues in the District of Columbia who deftly address such awesome tasks as a matter of course.   Indeed, this Court, while doing its very best to address the more prosaic matters routinely before it, cannot think of a Bench better versed and more capable of handling precisely this type of case, which requires a high level of expertise in international matters.   In fact, proceedings brought by the Republic of Guatemala are currently well underway in that Court in a related action, and there is a request now before the Judicial Panel on Multidistrict Litigation to transfer to the United States District Court for the District of Columbia all six tobacco actions brought by foreign governments, ostensibly for consolidated treatment.   Such a Bench, well-populated with genuinely renowned intellects, can certainly better bear and share the burden of multidistrict litigation than this single judge division, where the judge moves his lips when he reads….      Regardless of, and having nothing to do with, the outcome of Defendants’ request for transfer and consolidation, it is the Court’s opinion that the District of Columbia, located in this Nation’s capital, is a much more logical venue for the parties and witnesses in this action because, among other things, Plaintiff has an embassy in Washington, D.C., and thus a physical presence and governmental representatives there, whereas there isn’t even a Bolivian restaurant anywhere near here!   Although the jurisdiction of this Court boasts no similar foreign offices, a somewhat dated globe is within its possession. While the Court does not therefrom profess to understand all of the political subtleties of the geographical transmogrifications ongoing in Eastern Europe, the Court is virtually certain that Bolivia is not within the four counties over which this Court presides, even though the words Bolivia and Brazoria are a lot alike and caused some real, initial confusion until the Court conferred with its law clerks.   Thus, it is readily apparent, even from an outdated globe such as that possessed by this Court, that Bolivia, a hemisphere away, ain’t in south-central Texas, and that, at the very least, the District of Columbia is a  more appropriate venue (though Bolivia isn’t located there either). Furthermore, as this Judicial District bears no significant relationship to any of the matters at issue, and the judge of this Court simply loves cigars, the Plaintiff can be expected to suffer neither harm nor prejudice by a transfer to Washington, D.C., a Bench better able to rise to the smoky challenges presented by this case, despite the alleged and historic presence there of countless "smoke-filled" rooms.  Consequently, pursuant to 28 U.S.C. Section 1404(a), for the convenience of parties and witnesses, and in the interest of justice, this case is hereby transferred to the United States District Court for the District of Columbia. IT IS SO ORDERED.

SLS LOL Palo Alto Memorial Celebrity Laughter Awareness Pro-Am Laugh-a-thon for the Cure

**WIN $10**

As a socially concious blog, SLS LOL would like to raise AWARENESS of itself (cuz, raising awarenss is always the utmost goal of any humanitarian effort). 

In a blatant effort to increase blog readership, participation, and general comedic impact,  SLS LOL will be offering REWARDS for blog participation during the next two weeks. 

SLS LOL will award five $10 (cash money!) prizes - one to the best (funniest/most original/creative) submission in each of the following categories:

1) Overheard at SLS - quotes overheard in the hallways, classrooms, and courtyards of SLS

2) Original Submission - original article, essay or musing highlighting life of law students, SLS or related topics

3) Non-original Submission - jokes, link to news items, videos, posts from other blogs or sources, or other submissions of non-original work.

4) Images of SLS - Photo, video or other pictures that capture iconic, ironic, or amusing snippets of the life we lead (please ask folks if you can use pictures you took of them so no one gets upset). 

5) Word of the Month Usage - Quote and short blurb explaining how you used the Word of the Month in a class, assignment or other public forum.

The Fine Print: 

Submissions must be sent to SLSLOLBlog@gmail.com with the words  "CONTEST SUBMISSION" and the submission category in the subject line. 

Submissions must be received no later than Oct 31, 2010, 11:59:59 PST. 

Submissions must be legally available to post without cost (i.e., free of copyright, trademark or other IP restrictions) and become the property of the SLS LOL blog.  

Winners will be selected by the SLS LOL Editor-In-Chief and announced via post on www.slslol.blogspot.com after Nov. 1, 2010.

Tortious Musings

Has there ever been a case involving a fire, sparked by a passing train, that led to the damage and/or sinking of a boat? . . . just wondering

Overheard at SLS

CivPro Professor recapping a discussion:


Those are the applicable situations. I've given them to you in text form. I've given them to you in diagrammatic form. You better know 'em.


... Aren't you glad you're in law school? You too, can lose all ability to use anything but complex, polysyllabic diction in 3 mind-numbingly painful years! :-)

Overheard at SLS

Crim law professor, noting the oddity of aggravating factors in California homicide law:


We [California] have the longest list of aggravating factors for criminal homicide...many of which appear to be written by a team of comedy writers

Overheard at SLS

Prof, during CivPro Lecture:


So, the real lesson of Erie is. . . [Writing on the whiteboard in huge letters]...LAW PROFESSORS MATTER!!!

Um, duh...

For those legal hopefuls out there, you might appreciate knowing that (according to the Model Penal Code),


"Homicide constitutes negligent homicide when it is committed negligently."

This reminds me of something I read in a federal regulation in my pre-law school life:

"Manufactured goods are those which are not unmanufactured."

...good to know!

Overheard at SLS

Prof, introducing a tort case:


We have a plaintiff who contracted lead poisoning from eating the paint off her walls....that's always a temptation.

Upward Mobility

Gotta Love the Library

BINGO!

For those of you who are struggling to maintain focus in class, perhaps a little game will entice your mental commitment to learning. I'll leave the logistics of implementation to you, but hope this card set will be of use ;-)

            

DOWNLOAD 6-Card Set in PDF

Overheard at SLS

Crim Law Prof on the British prohibition against encompassing the death of the Sovereign.


Almost every day, I encompass queen elizabeth's death...Thank God I live here!

T2 - Grading Day

Hats off to SPILF & Prof. Sykes! (and Jake, for making sure the legend lives on!)

Word of the Month - October

To encourage greater participation, and to minimize the impact of my weekend laziness, the Word of the Week will evolve into a Word of the Month....

October's Word is

Goblin

gob·lin 

[gob-lin]

–noun

a grotesque sprite or elf that is mischievous or malicious towardpeople.

Origin: 
1300–50;  ME gobelin  < MF < MHG kobold  goblin; see kobold

Word of the Month Rules & Procedures

1) A word will be posted each month.

2) Any and all SLS students are encouraged to use this word in an actual class comment or written assignment. (for our non-student readers, conversations, work meetings, and other contexts are fair as long as its intrinsically funny.)

3) Variants, such as adverb forms of a noun, are also free game.

4) Email a description of your achievement (context & quote) to  slslolblog@gmail.com for inclusion in the next WOTM Report (may include recommendations on achievement level).

4) Your level of achievement will be assessed using the following scale:

• Bronze: Word is used as a restatement of facts, somewhat randomly or out of context; however, valiant effort has been made for inclusion and/or comedic effect (e.g., "Well, according to Walker v Birmingham, and my coffee filter, that rule is out-dated.").

• Sliver: Word is used in an example, metaphore or analogy (e.g., The three-pronged rule in this case seems to act as a coffee filter for judicial interpretation."

• Gold: Word is used in such a way as to add substantive or legal weight to an argument. (e.g., "But it is precisly the coffee filter that allows for this interpretation.")

1L Law in the News

Lest you believe the critics who claim you don't actually learn anything useful as a 1L, consider the not so hypothetical hypo of Brandon Duke. Thank your Crim prof for the recent discussion of mistake and attempt... and thank your lucky stars that SLS is zombie-free (at least for now).

Man shot by cop said he believed cop was a zombie


LONGMONT — A man who fired four shots at a Longmont police officer who tried to arrest him on May 8 told investigators later that he believed he was being pursued by a zombie, according to Boulder District Attorney’s Office reports. (entire article)