You Know It's Finals Time When. . .

You're canned food is now alphabetized and you've decided its high time you dust and vacuum your vacuum.

What's YOUR favorite way to procrastinate?

MarxRemixed

2L's re: Law Talk - 

Student 1: 

"I think DEMOCRACY may very well be the opiate of the masses."

Student 2: 

"Possibly....but what an opiate it is!"

Finals Prep

Boy scouts aren't the only ones who know how to be prepared...

Survival Skills

Law Talk QOTD:

"Law school is stressful. Get a plant. It helps."

simulation and simulacra

In honor of my current class:

The Simpsons - Season 07 - Episode 18 - Amendment Song from Daniel Farenzena on Vimeo.

In-Class Indictments

Crim Law professor to student


"You are guilty of a first degree felony of using the passive voice"


-Submitted by KR...thanks!

Best of All Possible Worlds

Prof on the first day of class:


I've never actually practiced law, and if all goes well, I never will!

SLS LOL Needs You!

I need your help preparing for the 2011 OCI Swag Awards which will be posted at the end of next week here on SLS LOL and will honor the ingenuity and inanity of law firm marketing.

So, please send me pictures of your law firm swag (and, if you're really creative, comical pictures of you using those highlighters, stress balls, water bottles, jump drives, and custom-printed candy).... and if anyone can send me a picture demonstrating the true value of a carabiner-USB-drive, you will have my undying devotion!

Second, a big SLS LOL shout out to the new SLS class of 2014! 1L's, we at SLS LOL are always looking for submissions and guest bloggers. So send your favorite quotes (overheard in class, in the hallways, at bar review, etc.), funny stories, ridiculous hypos, haiku poetry, lawyer jokes, awesome YouTube videos, political agendas and candidates, comical rantings and musings, and the like to slslolblog@gmail.com. (and don't worry, we never use names...unless you're Dan Rojas.)

First Things First

2L, around 11am in the courtyard:


I'm going to study now so I can drink later.

Summer Enrichment

Overheard in a munger living room:


So, you know what I learned watching Jersey Shore this summer?

In Retrospect

2L, Reflecting on the Application Process

I considered using [an application coach] until I realized there aren't that many gay, black orphans scoring in the 99th percentile on their standardized test.

-DB

Beware of Wooing

As my compatriots prepare for OCI, and the enticements that will follow, a little cautionary tale courtesy of KO:


One day while walking down the street, a highly successful partner in a law firm was tragically hit by a bus and died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.


"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an law firm partner make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."


"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.


"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."


"Actually, I think I've made up my mind...I prefer to stay in Heaven", replied the woman.


"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the law partner in an elevator and which slowly descended to the depths of Hell.


When the doors opened, much to her surprise, the woman found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her old friends -- including lawyers that she had worked with who had passed away -- and they were all dressed in tuxedoes and evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and greeted her warmly, and they talked about old times.


After an excellent round of golf, and at night they went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, her day was over and it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved good-bye as she got on the elevator back up to Heaven.


The elevator slowly rose, and eventually opened back up at the Pearly Gates, and she found St. Peter waiting for her. "Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. It was very soothing and peaceful, and she had a great time. Before she knew it, her 24 hours were up.


St. Peter came and got her and said, "So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity."


The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."


St. Peter escorted the woman back to the elevator and again she descended to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in filth. Her friends were burning in towers of flame, as demons prodded them with pitchforks. The Devil came up to her and welcomed her back.


"I don't understand," stammered the woman. "Yesterday I was here, and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of filth, and all my old friends are miserable."


The Devil looked at her and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you; today you're an associate."

Metaphorically Speaking

Who says legaleese is stuffy?

And such news of an amicable settlement having made this Court happier than a tick on a fat dog because it is otherwise busier than a one legged cat in a sand box and, quite frankly, would have rather jumped naked off a twelve foot step ladder into a five gallon bucket of porcupines then have presided over a two week trial of the herein dispute, a trial which no doubt would have made the jury more confused than a hungry baby in a topless bar and made the parties and their attorneys madder than mosquitoes in a mannequin factory; it is therefore ordered and adjudged b the court as follows: 1. The jury trial scheduled herein for July 13, 2011 is hereby canceled.

Simon would never argue for that...

The latest comes from one of SLSLOL's favorite rising 2Ls. While summering in NYC, he was working on a motion with terrible facts:

Advising Attorney: "You work with the facts you're given."


Summer Associate: "Well, the facts aren't supportive, but the motion is well formed."


Advising Attorney: "Its like American Idol, when the contestant is horrible and Paula Abdul says 'Well, you look great!'"

On Statutory Language

"Lawmakers are bozos...Funny how one comma can equal one day's work"

-Rising 2L Summer Associate, ruminating on a very busy (but not necessarily very productive) day saving the world from injustice.