In Retrospect

2L, Reflecting on the Application Process

I considered using [an application coach] until I realized there aren't that many gay, black orphans scoring in the 99th percentile on their standardized test.

-DB

Beware of Wooing

As my compatriots prepare for OCI, and the enticements that will follow, a little cautionary tale courtesy of KO:


One day while walking down the street, a highly successful partner in a law firm was tragically hit by a bus and died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.


"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an law firm partner make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."


"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.


"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."


"Actually, I think I've made up my mind...I prefer to stay in Heaven", replied the woman.


"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the law partner in an elevator and which slowly descended to the depths of Hell.


When the doors opened, much to her surprise, the woman found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her old friends -- including lawyers that she had worked with who had passed away -- and they were all dressed in tuxedoes and evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and greeted her warmly, and they talked about old times.


After an excellent round of golf, and at night they went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, her day was over and it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved good-bye as she got on the elevator back up to Heaven.


The elevator slowly rose, and eventually opened back up at the Pearly Gates, and she found St. Peter waiting for her. "Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. It was very soothing and peaceful, and she had a great time. Before she knew it, her 24 hours were up.


St. Peter came and got her and said, "So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity."


The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."


St. Peter escorted the woman back to the elevator and again she descended to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in filth. Her friends were burning in towers of flame, as demons prodded them with pitchforks. The Devil came up to her and welcomed her back.


"I don't understand," stammered the woman. "Yesterday I was here, and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of filth, and all my old friends are miserable."


The Devil looked at her and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you; today you're an associate."

Metaphorically Speaking

Who says legaleese is stuffy?

And such news of an amicable settlement having made this Court happier than a tick on a fat dog because it is otherwise busier than a one legged cat in a sand box and, quite frankly, would have rather jumped naked off a twelve foot step ladder into a five gallon bucket of porcupines then have presided over a two week trial of the herein dispute, a trial which no doubt would have made the jury more confused than a hungry baby in a topless bar and made the parties and their attorneys madder than mosquitoes in a mannequin factory; it is therefore ordered and adjudged b the court as follows: 1. The jury trial scheduled herein for July 13, 2011 is hereby canceled.

Simon would never argue for that...

The latest comes from one of SLSLOL's favorite rising 2Ls. While summering in NYC, he was working on a motion with terrible facts:

Advising Attorney: "You work with the facts you're given."


Summer Associate: "Well, the facts aren't supportive, but the motion is well formed."


Advising Attorney: "Its like American Idol, when the contestant is horrible and Paula Abdul says 'Well, you look great!'"

On Statutory Language

"Lawmakers are bozos...Funny how one comma can equal one day's work"

-Rising 2L Summer Associate, ruminating on a very busy (but not necessarily very productive) day saving the world from injustice.

Funny Ha Ha

In the library:

Student 1: Remember that case, "Toilet Goods"?

Student 2: Yeah...about ripeness?

Fashion Police

ConLaw study group conversation:


"There may be a compelling state interest in outlawing skinny jeans."

The Road Less Taken...

Gotta love the end-of-quarter advice from our profs like this gem from LRW. You never know what pressing social issues might strike your fancy at SLS:

Don’t feel restricted to the typical summer internships. Read the newspaper. You'll be surprised how often you'll say to yourself, "Geeze, I didn't realize albino kids in Africa are being kidnapped and their organs sold. Maybe I want to do that this summer."

*Submitted by B.E.

Temperate Semperate

Prof: Alright, who's got a practical argument against review?

Student: Uh, I've got a more *temperate* argument....

Prof: You're the Justice Department! I don't want a temperate argument!

*Submitted by the awesome JM

Legal Briefs

Overheard at SLS:


"I'm just saying, you could totally go to CafePress and design some underwear that said BOOK and that happened to be be both blue and spiral-bound."


*Submitted by JM, who knows a thing or two about stylin' undies 

Not Your Cup O Tea

This is what happens when a ConLaw Professors requires students to play devil's advocate and argue the merits of Obamacare... ah, irony!

Point, but not so much Power

Prof, during lecture:

"This is probably the most boring slide I will put up in this entire class..."

Rojas Prevails!

SLS remains a place where grassroots political movements can change the world. Reporting on the most recent of such victories, SLS's endorsed candidate for GSC Dan Rojas, SLSLOL is proud to welcome Guest Blogger, Contemporary Political Historian, and Popcorn Aficionado, Paco Torres.

Please join me in congratulating Daniel Rojas ('12) on his major victory--his election as Stanford Law School's representative to the Graduate Student Council.

Daniel was born in Harbor City, California. Having excelled at San Pedro High School, he attended the University of California at Santa Barbara, where he served with particular distinction as a residential assistant at the famed "Francisco Torres" ('11) dormitory. A bright young boy, he had always harbored dreams of being an elected student representative for a graduate school at a major research university.

That hope has manifested itself into reality. Last Thursday, James Freedman ('12) initiated a grass roots campaign to elect Daniel to a position that no one before him had bothered to actually run for. In all likelihood, this is an office that few SLS students knew existed in the first place. But James had the savant-like instinct to see the potential for greatness within Daniel's quiet grace and thoughtful leadership.

Other students took the baton from James. Matthew Cagle ('12) began an innovative website to spread the word about Daniel's campaign. Joel Cazares ('12) took to the Information Super Highway and began imploring students to vote for Daniel on listservs near and far. The campaign transformed into a phenomenon. Inspired by Daniel's cutting-edge and progressive positions--against water-boarding but for water-slides; both for and against the ROTC returning to Stanford--word of the campaign spread throughout every corner of SLS. A paragon of modesty, Daniel did not encourage the efforts of his supporters, wishing to remain distant from the electioneering process.

The students' was successful. Daniel won a unanimous victory, garnering more votes than the combined candidates for representatives from the Business, Education, and Medical schools. Astoundingly, he won more support than the famed "Free Weezy" slate for ASSU Junior Class Presidents.

Daniel has yet to decide whether or not he will wear the purple, don a wreath of laurels, and represent Stanford Law School at that famed deliberating body--the Graduate Student Council. We hope that, like General Washington, he will choose to leave the comfort of his Carson, California farm and answer the people's call to public service. [Editor's Note: Mr. Rojas officially accepted the people's call to service on April 12, 2011 via Facebook Post, reprinted below.]

Daniel provided absolutely no supervision for the students' work. As always, invaluable and capable clerical and campaign assistance was provided by Greg Nolan ('12), Ethan Forrest ('12) and Colin McDonell ('12).

Congratulations to all, especially our new dictator, Daniel B. Rojas, on reaching at the pinnacle of student power here at Stanford Law School.

----
~ Official Acceptance ~



Dear SLS,


Thank you for the outpouring of unsolicited support for my unwilling candidacy for GSC Representative. I'm writing to confirm that I accepted the position yesterday. . . [Y]ou can all change your profile pictures back to normal now. It's creepy to keep seeing my face everywhere.


Sincerely,
Daniel B. Rojas
GSC Representative

What would I give for a few legally capable minions...

1L via G-chat [T-minus 5 days til the final Federal Litigation brief deadline]:


I hate that I have brilliant arguments that a) have to be written down, and b) need to be presented in a way that lawyers will appreciate

¡Sí, Se Puede!

SLSLOL Officially Endorses Daniel Rojas for ASSU Law School representative!





What do Dan's supporters say about him?
"Dan has shown great leadership and is a wonderful person, so we should all get out the vote to support him!"
"I would assume I'm not alone in believing that the graduate community as a whole would benefit from [Dan's] quiet grace and thoughtful leadership."

Write-in "Daniel Rojas" under "ASSU Grad Student Council School of Law District".
You can vote at: http://ballot.stanford.edu/ballot/vote